After my surgery, the medical personnel assigned to my case informed me of my recovery time. Because of my facial injuries, my jaw would have to stay wired shut for 8 weeks, a time during which my meals would be limited to liquid form. Because of my back injury, I would have to undergo physical therapy: I would have to be taught to walk again. In addition, I was forbidden from undertaking any strenuous physical activity for at least one year.
What the doctors didn’t (and couldn’t) tell me was that this physical recovery was the least of my problems. I would have medical professionals there every step of the way to guide me in my physical recovery, but I would have to fend for myself in the area in which I would need the most help. My body needed healing, certainly, but to a much greater degree, my perspective needed a doctor. Not my emotions, but my point of view; not my goals, but my approach. I needed Jesus.
Unfortunately, I would not hold fast to this realization until a few years after the incident took place. So I went through my year of physical recovery and made decisions in which Christ was not involved. In February of 2002, I got a big check from my brother’s car insurance company, and I got engaged to the young lady who had been sitting next to me in the car. Before the end of 2002 all my money was gone and I was single again. In retrospect, had I clung to Jesus during this time, I could have created for myself a financial situation that was completely free from dependence upon anyone. Instead, I still have thousands of dollars of debt from my student loans, and my credit rating is much lower than it should be. The car I bought for myself is gone, as are most of the clothes and gadgets I foolishly purchased from my windfall. I was given an opportunity to turn what would typically be viewed as a bad situation into a great one for myself, and I didn’t have the wherewithal to do it.
Beyond the poor financial decisions I made during that time, I made some bad life decisions as well. One might think that surviving such an experience would bring the survivor closer to the Author and Finisher of his Faith, but it had the opposite effect on me. Instead of a feeling of thankfulness, I took from my survival a feeling of invincibility, and began living my life in the reckless fashion that typically accompanies those who suffer from such a delusion. I will skip the details of such a lifestyle, but I firmly established myself in the community as one who would do anything at any time, regardless of potential consequences to himself or others around.
Ironically, it was during this time that I received a very interesting job offer. Pine Forge Academy, a school I had not attended but I was familiar with, was looking for an English teacher. After a few telephone interviews, I was offered the position. Recognizing the responsibilities connected with this position, I turned it down fearing that I might lead the young people of the Academy in the incorrect direction. Although my prescribed year of recovery had recently ended just before I received the job offer, I knew I was in no mental position to lead the lives of young people in any positive direction.
Besides, teaching at Pine Forge Academy was one of three things I said I would never do, the other two being entering the mission field and delivering a sermon from a church pulpit. It’s funny what you find yourself doing after you tell Jesus what you won’t do for Him.
About two years after the first offer, I came to the conclusion I spoke of previously, that the incident with the car had taken place to bring about a change in my perspective, and that change centered on a dependence on Jesus. So in August of 2004 I quit my job as the Editor in Chief for a small magazine and shortly thereafter I simultaneously quit performing all of the deleterious acts that I had engaged in since I was released from the hospital. There was no major event to coincide with this turnaround, it was more like I woke up one day with the phrase “What are you doing with your life?” on my mind. I instantly knew that I had to lead my life differently.
I had a great burden on my mind to do away with anything in my life that could take away from whatever it was that God had next for me. So I sold my car, the dream that I’d made come true not 2 weeks after I’d gotten the insurance check a couple of years before. I downgraded to a compact car that was reliable, good on gas, and not too fast. I didn’t know what I was preparing for, but I even started packing.
I told him I had been expecting his call when the phone finally rang.
“How did you know I would call?” J.P. Willis, Superintendent of Schools for the Allegheny East Conference of Seventh-day Adventists, asked me.
“I don’t know. I just knew,” I said.
“Well, we have another position open at Pine Forge Academy. Would you mind sending me an updated résumé?”
A few weeks later I was hired as an English Instructor at PFA, a school that, during my vain college years, I had braggadociosly vowed never to work for. It was then that I realized what God was doing with me. He had begun the process with the incident with the car by taking away my ability to take care of myself and even diminishing my intellect a little. The process had continued when I lost everything I had tried to build without God’s input after I left the hospital. Accepting a job I had previously sworn never to so much as entertain was simply the next step in the process of The Lord breaking me down so that I could be useful to Him. I had to be taken out of the way so God could use me for His purposes, and as a cocky, hot-tempered, conceited young man, I could never be a fully productive member of God’s camp. All of these things were revealed to me before my first day at PFA, so I was able to enter my new position recognizing that I had a greater purpose for being there than the Department Chair, the Principal or even the Superintendent could envision. My purpose was Heavenly.
I felt very strongly that I was to be used as an instrument of change at PFA during my stay there, however long it was to be. I had an idea about the duration my employment should be as well, but at the beginning, it was just an idea. I believe that God was able to use me at PFA to accomplish things that can be useful for the school as an institution of quality education for years to come. I intentionally drew a line in the sand, as it were, and refused to cross to the side of academic mediocrity. I made it clear to students and parents alike that everyone who passed my class would have to earn the right. Cheating would not be tolerated, and laziness would not be fruitful. I made myself available for extra help, but never required any student to come. I wanted students to begin to take ownership of their educations, and holding their hands through things they could do for themselves was not going to be useful to them.
After 3 years, the period of time that Jesus had whispered in my ear when I took the job at PFA, it was time for me to move on. My recovery was not over yet; God had more breaking to do in my life so that I could be made as useful as possible to Him. There were more things on my “Never Do” list, a list that could not even exist if God was to have His way with my life. When I left PFA, I did so with the respect of the Administration, my fellow teachers, the students, and their parents. I was seen as a teacher who cared enough about the students to force them to do their best by not forcing them to do anything, but not accepting anything less than their best. Some students thrived in my system while others failed, but I believe that all students were shown that there are some things they must do for themselves.
I think that’s what Jesus wants us to think, too. He will wipe away our tears, He will carry our burdens for us, He will save us, but He will not give us holy character. That is something we have to work for. In the same way, in my class, I gave all the tools necessary for a student to grow intellectually and educationally, but I would not do the work or lower the standard for anyone. One of my repeated refrains when students attempted to hand in late work was “probation will one day close.”
The next thing on my “Never Do” list was missionary work. It wasn’t something I ever said aloud, but as a boy I decided that I would stay as close to a comfortable situation as possible. I would not endanger my own comforts for anyone’s purpose. I’m not greedy; I can do without many extra things that some people consider necessities, but I still don’t do well when I’m not comfortable. Without realizing it, I had become dependent upon convenience in my life. This was perhaps most clearly evident in my church attendance while working at PFA. The nearest church with which I was comfortable was about an hour’s drive from my apartment. As a result, I frequently spent my Sabbaths in my apartment sleeping (under the guise of “Sabbath rest”) rather than spending an entire day in Philadelphia.
The mission field would offer no such chances to sit and simply do nothing. Not only that, the mission field would also tear down the last item on my “Never Do” list, preaching a sermon from a pulpit. Because I see what God does when I get out of the way, I have truly begun to open my mind to all the things He could possibly want me to do with my life.
Normally, when a motor vehicle makes contact with another motor vehicle, or leaves the road and is damaged in some way it is termed an “accident.” This brief tale from the life of one man is entitled “The On Purpose” because I am convinced that the incident with the car was not an accident. Certainly, my brother didn’t mean to fall asleep at the wheel with the cruise control set at 80 mph and drive 4 young people off a 30-foot cliff, but God meant for him to. For me, it began a process of breaking down barriers to His will in my life. To this day, when someone asks me if I’m recovered from the car accident, I always respond in the same way.
“Physically, I’m fine, “ I say.
It’s true. Physically, I’m fine. But God is not finished with this recovery process in my life. And He won’t stop until He saves me.
