Bizarro

            Honey is making a huge mistake.

Her parents have discussed and they have drawn this conclusion.  Their daughter is making the biggest mistake of her life.  She has so much talent, so much to offer the world.  So many different directions she can go with her life, and this is what she chooses?  This is definitely the wrong thing for her to do.  Sure she is good at her chosen field, but in their eyes it just isn’t a reputable profession.  It just isn’t something a woman should do for the rest of her life.  How can a person be an asset to society when she’s a singer?  They see at it as a cop-out profession.  Singing is something people do when they are too lazy to apply themselves to something worthwhile.

            Of course there are the obvious advantages to the field: exposure to different places through touring; the chance to work with some very talented and famous people; the money she could earn.  But it isn’t as if what they want her to do won’t earn a decent wage.  Besides, money should not be everything, or even the most important thing.  Traveling is an option for anyone in any field if he or she has some money set aside and some time off; and there are talented people in their chosen fields as well.  Why can’t she just do like some of her friends and follow in her parents’ footsteps?

            Maybe we should let her go her own way, Dad suggests.  Not if that way is wrong, Mom says.  Mom has always been the strong one in the family.  Look at what has happened with Junior, Mom reminds her husband.  He was planning to be a doctor until we talked him out of it.  Look at how successful he is now that he changed his mind.  His name is known all along the eastern seaboard.  As always, Mom reminds Dad that they are right.

            Well, should we wait for Junior to come home again? Dad wonders.  If we do it that way we would have the advice of Honey’s big brother to bolster our argument, as well as the viewpoint of a person in her age group who has recently gone through the same decision making process.  Mom agrees that it would be a good thing to have Junior there and on their side, but she doesn’t think they have the luxury of that much time.  Junior is so busy now with all of his successes, so there is no telling when he’ll be home again.  No, Mom and Dad will have to handle this one on their own.

            So they sit in the living room waiting for Honey to come home from school.  As soon as she walks through the door Dad begins with the same line of questioning he has confronted her with just about every day.

            “Finally home from that God-forsaken place, huh, Honey?” Dad says.

            “You mean school?  Jeez, Dad, just because you and Mom dropped out doesn’t mean I should too,” Honey retorts.

            “Not just your Mother and me; your uncles and aunts, your grandparents.  You come from a long line of people who realized long before they finished high school that it was a waste of time.  They’re just filling your mind with foolishness.  What’s that new math you’re studying?”

            “You mean pre-calculus?”

            “Yeah, that’s the one.  What’s the point of all of that?  In my opinion, anything past basic arithmetic is a waste of time.  What are you going to do with all of that extra stuff in real life?  No, you learn the basics in elementary school, then you hit the streets as quickly as possible, that’s what I say.”

            “Amen to that, brother,” Mom chimes in.

            “And speaking of getting out there in the world, have you decided what you’re going to do about this singing thing?” Dad askes.

            “What do you mean ‘singing thing’?  Yes, I’ve decided.  I’ve decided to pursue it.  I told you guys that weeks ago, but you won’t get it through your heads.  I don’t want to be like you!  I’ve got my own path to follow!”

            Honey’s biting words are too much for Mom, and she leaves the room sobbing quietly.  Shortly thereafter she can be heard in the other room, quietly talking to herself about her daughter’s stubbornness.

            “See what you’ve done now,” Dad says.  “You know your Mother hates it when you talk like that.”

            “I know.  I’m sorry.  I never wanted to hurt you guys, but I have to do what’s right for me.  The things that worked for the two of you in your lives aren’t necessarily the things for me.”

            “Look at your brother,” Dad tries.  “We talked him out of the whole medicine thing he had going on and look how happy he is.  Look at your aunts and uncles.  Look at your grandparents.  Look at your friends’ parents.  Who out of them is not happy with their life choices?”

            Honey sits there for a minute contemplating her father’s words.  She racks her brain trying to think of someone she is close to who isn’t happy with his or her job.  She must admit that she cannot think of anyone.  Just as she is about to speak, she remembers someone.

            “Lacy’s Mom!” she says triumphantly. “Lacy’s Mom hates her job!”

            Dad is taken aback.  This is the first he’s heard of anyone who doesn’t love her job.  He is almost afraid to ask, but he has to know.

            “What does she do for a living?” he asks reluctantly.

            “I don’t remember… oh wait.  She’s a teacher,” Honey says, her voice falling with the realization.

            “Well, there you go,” Dad intones, pounding the arm of the couch as he speaks.  “Just another example of someone who did the wrong thing with her life and she’s paying the price for it to this day.”

            Honey sits and thinks for another few minutes.  Dad gets up and goes to the kitchen for a drink.  He knows that when he returns she will have changed her mind.  The conversation went the same way with Junior 4 years earlier.

Honey knows she is expected to have her mind made up by the time he returns.  She is torn because her parents taught her to follow her heart, but they also taught her to make informed and intelligent decisions.  Her heart is with music, but her mind suggests she should listen to the sound advice of her parents.  When she hears the refrigerator close in the kitchen she knows she only has a few seconds to make up her mind.  She comes to a decision just before Dad comes around the corner with the glass held to his mouth.

            “So what do you think, Honey?  Have you come to a decision?” Dad asks with a knowing grin.

            “What decision?  I am a singer and there is nothing I can do about it,” Honey replies.

            Abruptly Dad hurls the half-empty glass across the room, shattering it into a thousand pieces and staining the once white wall with a deep red wine.

            Honey is frozen with fear at her normally reserved father’s sudden emotional outburst. It is a side of him she had rarely unless he intends to become violent.

            “I just don’t see why you can’t take a respectable profession!” Dad ejaculates.  “There have been so many advances in our field! It’s nothing like it was even 10 years ago.  It’s the wave of the future and we just want you to get on board while there are still a few good corners to stand on.  Look at your Mother.  She started off just a regular prostitute, but now she has responsibilities.  She looks after a lot of the other hookers, she collects money for her pimp, and she even gets a new pair of shoes every 6 weeks.  Look at your brother and me.  We have made a lot of money being good pimps.  I know you can’t be a pimp, what with your being a woman and all, but you can still be a good ho.”

            Honey can’t help thinking about the decision she has to make a little more.  Dad’s speech touches her in a place she has always known, but always resented.

            “Yeah, I guess,” Honey mumbles.

            “I just want you to promise me one thing,” Dad says, suddenly calm once again.

            “Yeah, what’s that?”

            “Promise me you’ll think about it some more.  I just want you to make an informed decision about your career.  Sex is the wave of the future.  Even if you decide you don’t want to stand on the corner like your Mother and aunts, there are many other sexually related fields to go into.  There’s pornography, there’s stripping, there’s phone sex… there are even several excellent call girl services in the area.  Just promise me you’ll think about it.  Won’t you think about it, Honey?”

            “Ok, Dad.  I’ll think about it.  Well, I’m going to go to my room and do my homework now, ok?”

            With that, Honey gets up from the couch and goes into her bedroom.

            Dad waits for her to close the door before he goes back into his bedroom where Mom is already loading the shotgun.

            “She wouldn’t change her mind, huh?” Mom asks already knowing the answer to the question.

            “Nope.  Looks like we’re going to lose another one,” Dad says regretfully.

            “I thought we could convince her.”

By this time Mom is finished loading the shotgun.  She cocks it and begins to walk toward Honey’s room.  She pauses and looks at the pictures that line the opposing walls in the master bedroom.  She glances quickly at the pictures on the right: the family members who made the right decision.  She lingers, however, with the pictures on the left: the children they had to force (with the same shotgun) out of the stubbornness that had plagued them.

“She’s going to have to learn the hard way that there are consequences for not listening to Mommy.”